I have been quite sick the last couple of weeks. At first it seemed like a flu-type thing, but it became a sinus infection. The infection was an unexpected “wrinkle” to how I expected the “flu” to go, and not a little bit scary. The smell was like something was burning in my head, and the taste was like swallowing acid. It was also painful. It was only on the right side, but it spread to half of my face, from the temple to my throat and tongue. I talked to a doctor and was prescribed anti-biotics. I’ve almost finished the course and things are getting better.
It is rare, almost to never, that I get sick, not even a headache, so for me this was a very unpleasant experience to say the least. I’m sure that those who are familiar with such things, including migraines, anything to do with what goes on in the head especially, can relate. It stops you dead in your tracks, to where you feel unable to function hardly at all in anything. Even the smallest tasks are a mountainous obstacle. You can’t do anything and you feel stuck in a motionless limbo with only the pain and discomfort to keep you company. You can’t properly rest as your whole effort is to fight the bacterial or viral war going on inside your body, and when you collapse from exhaustion you can’t sleep either because you can find no position that is comfortable. If you do fall asleep it is sporadic and cut short by more discomfort. You also lose any appetite, any desire for strengthening sustenance. You feel lost, and eventually resign to helplessness, faintly clinging to something called “hope”.
Although it is rare that I get sick, I have been close to death on a few occasions. You might think I have a low pain-threshold perhaps. These things are “relative” I guess, but I can tell you that I have endured a broken arm three times (the same left arm) and the last time it was a complete dislocation at the elbow that couldn’t be attended to for four hours. I was also hit by a bus, resulting in a fractured femur and multiple lacerations, requiring a three month stint in hospital, where I also suffered a deep vein thrombosis, one of the most painful things I have ever experienced (I wept), until the anti-coagulants in the drip feed kicked in relieving the pressure (it took hours). I also had dengue fever once. It’s a bit like malaria but non-recurring, though potentially fatal. I was delirious for days.
There are some things in life that bring us to almost a dead-stop, such as a bereavement, grief, a loss, a dramatic emotional change of some kind such as in a relationship, a failure, or the realisation that we may have been in error in some way, a change of location, or a sudden unexpected change in occupation that was unforeseen. All kinds of things can “interrupt” our “normal routines” and it is very disconcerting, mostly because we feel “out of control” at those times, vulnerable, weak, uncertain. Our usual frames of reference disappear. If we are of an independent nature then, horror of horrors, we might even have to rely on some kind of help from others, and then become afraid of what that might mean, what commitment from us might be required as a result.
However, nothing quite stops us as effectively as a physical event, because we are then immobile as well. There is little or nothing we can actually do, and, depending on how serious the condition is, it doesn’t take long before we are forced into resignation, and acceptance.
I have learned that this is not just a good thing, but a privilege!
You get to the point of “bottom” or “the corner”, and then everything changes. You are still physically incapacitated, but your mind goes into a state of what can only be described as “bliss”. Everything is beautiful, the light in the air, especially if it is sunny, the sounds of the birds tweeting in the garden outside the window, the freshness of the air, the mellowness of chillaxing music…..aaaahhhh!
I had previously read, watched and listened to some items that were referring to “living in the moment”. This was not “planned”, they just “happened” across my desk, and in this state of “bliss” you get to understand what that means. And I like it!
Basically, you cannot change the past, and you have no idea what the future holds, so all you really have is this gift called “the present”!
I can honestly say that I have no regrets about the past. It happened, it’s done. Most of it was good, great. Some of it less so, but I learned something through it all, so “it’s ALL good”. NONE of what “I planned” happened as I expected or wanted it to, but if it DID it wasn’t as great as I thought and eventually ended. Most, if not all, of the BEST stuff happened unexpectedly, TO me, and I wasn’t “looking” for it!
I have always tried to be “useful” and helpful in whatever I have found myself putting my hand and skills to, but my most beautiful memories are of those I have known over the years of my life’s journey. (There are only a handful that I can say have been “unpleasant”, and even with those it wasn’t so “all” the time. Let’s just say that these are the ones I “haven’t missed” since parting though.)
These last comments were just to give some context, but the main point is “living in the moment”.
I have come to the conclusion that THIS is the state in which I wish to stay from now on, God helping me!
Even in the mundane and routine chores of daily life that have to be executed, I am learning to enjoy something in the moment. I may be washing the dishes, but I am primarily enjoying the sunshine, the light in the air, the memory of an experience where that same light was present at some other time, in a different place. As I “pass through time” I am learning to “carry” “the good stuff” with me, moment by moment.
I was just reminded of the scripture “be full of care for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication let your requests be made unto God”, in other words commit everything to Him. It goes on to say “and your Heavenly Father, Who sees in secret, shall reward you openly”.
Personally, I don’t really care for “rewards” per se, just the experience of knowing I am cared for and am on the right track is enough for me. All the rest is “extra”. (See my story of the “Sunglasses for Sparrows” posted previously for an example of how He knows what we need (and even what we want) better than we do, and is more than happy to “reward” us for being willing to comply with the seemingly “tiniest” of His requests!) https://davesnewsblog.wordpress.com/2016/10/08/sunglasses-for-sparrows/
Well, that’s basically it. I could say more, but I won’t here and now. I am still quite weak and tired and it will take some time to get back to strength. I have a plan for that, a simple personal fitness regime.
Whatever happens next though I don’t want to lose this “in the moment” perspective, as this is all we really have. I went out the door on a bright, fresh, sunny, blue-sky day on the 31st August 1974, and by mid-day I was in a life and death struggle inside a shoe shop window, moments later to be whisked off to hospital for the next three months!
“Death comes unexpectedly” 😊 and to all of us at some point!
Why would we want to waste our life with any meaningless nothingness in the meantime?
Food for thought perhaps!?