I am “a gusher”. I am passionate about the things I believe, about things I speak about and share with others. I don’t know any other way to be. I don’t do “small talk” except to “break the ice” with someone new, asking questions in order to get to know and understand them, or in greeting and initiating conversation. People fascinate me and generally I love them and like being around them, watching and observing, though not all of the time. I need my quiet, personal, reflective time more.
I am “a thinker” most of the time, and when in this mode I am usually very quiet. When I do open my mouth I tend to be full of my subject, as someone once told me when I was showing and explaining a project I was responsible for at the time.
I like solving problems, organising, fixing things, learning stuff. I have a retentive memory and often surprise myself with all the things I have come to know. I can summarise and simplify a collection of related information sources, and have been called upon to teach from time to time. I like sharing what I know. I think many who know me will say that I give too much information when I get going. It’s hard to stop sometimes 😊.
Although I guard my privacy vehemently I can also be a very open book one-on-one. “I have nothing to hide” in this respect. I think I am friendly, and painfully honest for the most part. However, experience has taught me that in spite of my best efforts I find myself misunderstood, misinterpreted and thus misrepresented by others sometimes.
I have come to the point though that although I prefer to be well thought of, I don’t actually care what others think of me personally any more. I don’t have to apologise, or excuse myself, for my existence. I have learned not to judge others myself without “walking a mile in their shoes”, for the most part, so if any place themselves in the position of judging me, without making an effort to get to know me first, well… People will believe whatever they want to believe, and that is a ball that is not in my court.
I have experienced a lot of disappointment, heartbreak, loss. I have made many mistakes. I have hurt people sometimes, honestly not intentionally but rather as a result of not knowing how to react to, or deal with something properly when confronted with a situation that was unexpected. It can take some time for me to sort through the emotions that run high on these occasions, especially to be able to focus on the facts, in order to be able to arrive at the right conclusions and thus the solutions needed. Turmoil times are not times for major decision-making. Life takes time. The only regrets I have are unresolved issues where communication broke down, beyond repair. I have many scars, but I do not regret the experiences. I do have a lot of “hindsight” though 😊.
I believe in miracles, that “anything is possible”, “everything is negotiable”, but I do not suffer fools gladly, and I will not be “told” what to do, by anyone. I have been “accused” on occasion of things that were a complete mystery to me, things I never thought of, or even imagined. I am learning that when these things happen it is not me that has the problem.
People are fascinating, but life can be a mystery a lot of the time. Who knows what is going on “behind the scenes” in any individuals’ makeup at any given moment?
The best course of action, moment by moment, as much as lieth in us? – Is to live The Golden Rule! We may not be perfect, and we are all unique, thank God, so let’s “use our heads” while we follow our hearts!